We've all read the books. We've all seen the trainings. We all know we're supposed to ask our prospects a LOT of questions. A LOT of open-ended questions. ALL THE QUESTIONS are good, right?
Nope.
We've been doing sales training, coaching, and consulting with more than 2,400 companies over the last four decades, and in all our study of human behavior, we can tell you with confidence to avoid one single question:
"Why?"
Here's why. (No pun intended.) Of all the questions in the English language, the question "why" will always, always, always trigger defensiveness in the other human being in the conversation.
The only possible answer to "Why...?" is some form of self-defense. "Because..."
Don't put your prospects and clients (friends, family, spouse...) in a position to defend themselves to you.
"Why?" triggers defensiveness more than any other word. Because at the end of every "Why?" is an implied accusation:
"Why... dummy?"
"Why'd you do it that way, dummy?" "Why did you pick that number for your budget, dummy?" "Why did you engineer the solution that way, dummy?"
Even as children, we know that when someone asks us a question starting with, "Why?" ('Why did you do it that way? Why did you make that choice? Why did you pick that?"), we know they're deriding the choices we've made. Our defenses go up fast. Don't pull that on your prospect or client (or friends, family, spouse...).
If you absolutely positively need to know the reasons behind something they did (and I would argue that you probably don't, but are tempted to prove how wrong they were) then ask in a much softer way: "Help me understand the factors that went into that decision."
"Help me understand what was most important to you when you engineered that solution." "Help me understand how you arrived at that number."
Do you see how we're still harvesting the answers and the reasons behind a decision they made, but we're not doing it by sounding like every critical adult in their entire life?
Don't ask your prospects, "Why?". Don't ask your clients, "Why?" It's loaded with judgment, derision and criticism. If you do need to find the reasons behind something, do it gently and openly by saying, "Help me understand the reasons behind XYZ."
And you'll probably find yourself receiving more information than you would have if you'd simply dropped a "Why?" into the conversation, because they'll be more comfortable talking to you.
Our expertise at Slattery is helping salespeople run conversations effectively. For more, contact us below.
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